Software that manages project management and makes project managers obsolete
Start packing up your office.
It all began when machines began to replace manual labor. The technology that our brightest engineers could create also saw skilled labor being replaced.
It is finally here.
No longer are project managers required
Today I am announcing Projectizer 2010, a marvel of ingenuity so advanced, some believe it may be extra-terrestrial. This project management software is cross-platform and fully configurable with modular design.
The Total Cost of Ownership (TCO), is much lower than what you would pay a project manager. This is a must-have tool for any business because of its flexibility and ability to be reused from one project to the next. It works flawlessly as an enterprise solution right out of the box.
How it works
by snofla via Flickr
Projectizer 2010’s project management software automates the project workflow. It extracts requirements directly from stakeholder’s brains via a wireless neural connection. The Projectizer 2010 uses the same (NLT), patent-pending neural link technology to issue commands to your project teams on a real time basis. It can even pre-programme your human staff (known from here forward as “drones”) while they sleep within a 2-mile radius.
The best part? There are no gantt charts or schedules, monte-carlo analysis, traceability mates, or gantt charts. Projectizer 2010 handles all of this internally. Sometimes, the Projectizer 2010 may decide to send status data via NLT to project sponsors, stakeholders, and teams. This amazing alien project management software makes all these decisions flawlessly.
What about remote teams?
Remote teams and stakeholders will be able to use a convenient add-on that allows the Projectizer 2010 module to issue commands and programs remotely from an AJAX-based module at the drones’ location. No refresh is required for updates to the project plan. They will be sent directly and immediately.
“All my training and experience, it seemed like I was the one stopping these projects going nuclear.” It was the software that did it all. – Some guy
“Wow. I mean wow.” – Another guy
“You project managers were tools-crazy, and it’s finally caught up to you!” Muahahahahaha!” – Josh
“Hey, is this project management software PMP certified?” – Confucius
Get Projectizer 2010 now! Stay tuned for Project Staff Enterprise Edition, our next release.
Projectizer 2010 price: 34,000,000 Baloneyan credits
April Fools from pmStudent Did you win?
Leave a comment to let everyone know your thoughts on Projectizer 2010. I would love to hear more testimonials!